Desilusions

There is a new popular song on the radio. I don' t know what it's called, but it goes something along the lines of "you're beautiful ... and I'll never be with you, and I don't know what to do."

Sadly, this is yet another item of mainstream culture that reinforces stereotypes which, in my opinion, has damaging psychological effects. The song is popular because we all identify with it. We've all been there--seeing someone we are attracted to on the street, on the subway, in a restaurant. We are attracted, don't do anything about it, and know we will never get to meet that person. Later we lament about how unlucky we are to not have met someone like that.

My first impulse was to shout: why can't we have songs that teach us to WALK up to that beautiful woman or hot guy and TALK to them? I then realized this song I am hearing on the radio actually bothers me for a different reason. The message is, hey, there's this gorgeous chick on the subway, she's with someone else, and I'll never have her.

So what, I say? There are a million other women out there you probably would find just as attractive. You will never meet them. If you did meet them and end up having a relationship, how long would it last before your thoughts move on to the next attractive woman that you just spotted on the subway?

Unfortunately movies, music, and advertising all reinforce the concept that there's this one person we will be happy with. Guy gets girl, and they live happily ever after. The End. Why do all movies end like that? How about one where guy gets girl, they live happily together for two years, and then the relationship slowly degrades due to routine, boredom, lust for other women, etc.? How about art that reflects life, rather than art that promotes an idyllic image that is simply unattainable?

I propose that by reinforcing these stereotypes and by allowing ourselves to endulge in the pleasures of this dream world we are doing a lot of damage. Daydreaming is pleasant and probably important for our psychological well-being, but are we not raising our children with a wrong picture of the world? Guy does not always get girl. Girl and guy do not happily live ever after. Grow up, move on, and accept your reality.

To go full circle, back to our song now. Yes, the girl is beatiful. Yes, you will never meet her, even though you probably COULD do something about that. The point, however, is that it DOESN'T MATTER if you meet her or not. She is one many other attractive women you will come across in your life. Stop lamenting about her and move on to the next. Was this love at first sight, was this the one that got away, your only chance of meeting the one single person that would have made you happy? Oh please...